Dented

It’s difficult to know what to say probably because it’s so fresh. But the news is out so I suppose it’s time to acknowledge what is difficult: my grandmother passed away this weekend.

Anyone who knew her would say one of three things:

  • She was the sweetest lady
  • She really loved you
  • She deeply loved her family

And really, this sums her up. Although she was not so simple as that of course.

Because of these obvious traits I shouldn’t have been surprised by her attitude when she got sick and as her illness progressed. But I was. Probably because it’s not how I would have reacted.

When my grandma first got sick she didn’t complain. I mean, she said “I’m not feeling well,” but she didn’t moan and groan about it.

And then when she got really sick she still didn’t feel sorry for herself. She did, however, ask for more help than before. Which her family gave to her happily.

And then when she was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer—and the end stages of it at that—she was content with her lot. She said “I just don’t want to linger.”

And, she didn’t.

It was four weeks and two days after we found out what we were all suspecting. Not long at all. Although, she felt like it was lingering. Not to me though.

I have never seen someone die before, but even if I had I don’t think it would have been with the peace, contentment, and dignity my grandmother had all the way until the end. I strongly believe these past four weeks have been the most transformative in my entire life…I really question whether I would be such a testament to life and the hope in what’s to come if our situations were reversed.

So, thank you grandma. I mean, thanks for everything you’ve given me over the years, but mostly for this last month. You have left your mark on me and I pray I can make such dents in the lives of others.

I am dented forever.