Celebrity (Career) Nanny

Once upon a time a girl called Robyn went to England in search of work, travel and adventure. And she got exactly what she wanted. The End.

But now she’s back in Canada and looking for work.

In the past month she has replied to tens of job ads (which she is adequately qualified for) but has heard neither a peep nor a ring.

Now she is at the point where she doubts her resume is Y2K compatible (since it may have been that long since she actually put in a resume) and is asking some serious questions (to herself. Eg. “Will I ever afford a cell phone again?”; “Is there money in figure skating?”; “Where is this three per cent unemployment rate I keep reading about in the paper?”; “Who am I?”).

In lieu of a career, Robyn has been working part-time as a nanny for a local family with three children, aged 5, 3 and 1.5.

The parents, anticipating Robyn’s lack of recent experience with pre-school age children, wrote out a manual of instructions both to help her adjust to a new family/routine and to ensure she had answers to the questions that would inevitably come up.

The manual included everything from How to Change a Poopy Diaper to Playtime Options.

What it did not include was the under five dress code.

Over the past month, she has collected her top five dressing tips for those who deal with children:

Top Five “Don’t Wear’s” for nanny’s to under fives.

  1. Don’t wear socks with holes in them. Not only will the children tell you your toes sticking out are “gross,” but they’ll try to repair your spoiled stocking with stickers that DO NOT UNSTICK EVER
  2. Don’t wear trousers that threaten to expose underwear and/or bum. Or trousers that will fall down when three children need to be carried at the same time. And don’t call them “trousers” because no one will understand you
  3. Don’t wear V-neck, low-cut, loose-fitting or spaghetti strapped shirts. This will only result in children stretching out, looking down and exclaiming about said shirt
  4. Don’t wear shoes that tie up. If you can’t get your shoes on in two seconds, the kids will be out the door and down the street without you
  5. Don’t even bother wearing a sweater. Wear some kind of zip-up instead. This is useful because you can put it on/take it off even while holding a sleeping child and if a child is crying, you can distract him/her with the coolest zipper ever

She’s considering adding it to the manual.